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Monday, November 29, 2010


He I am sitting up in bed thinking to my self
who will I be, where am I going in life
what road leads to success
I put my hands against my chest and I feel my heart beat to the same tune that my two feet walk to
Should I listen to my heart and let emotions lead me or do I think the logical and go down a career that will make me become something
Then if I go down the logical will I be happy, will my life  be all that I wanted it to be  will my dreams come true
Then if I go down the road where my heart takes lead I fear that I will  fall down and never be able to get back up again since I have fallen once before in the temptation of love
I don’t know which road to take, which path I am on, what else life has to throw at me  but I know I got to be strong
Strong for my future, strong for myself, Strong enough to tackle any obstacle in my way cause at the end of the day I realize that  the path on which we walk on depends on the goal we have in mind
We tend to wonder the outcomes  and fear that  we may have chosen the wrong path  but in the end there is no wrong or right  only trial and error  because  we all make mistake but we just have to get back on our feet again and just keep moving forward letting the mistake  become a lesson  and letting your ambition towards reaching your goal grow stronger
Cause in the end when you think about it  there is never an ending point to the path
and it all depends on the way you may perceive it

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Wednesday, October 20, 2010


Tears roll down my cheek not because I’m happy but because I’m sad because you remind me of the past and everything that I have been through because I see the reflection of myself within you
It’s funny how when people call men pimps and man whores I usually stay away from the men they are referring these names to  but this time something was different  something about you grabbed my attention   I caught myself thinking the other day I would rather you be a man whore and entertain yourself than for you to want to kill yourself because I would rather you be in this world than for you to try to find another way out because for some reason I know that you have something to do in this world your life has a purpose no human has been given so many chances by god
You say you hate how the innocent die young that they die without even wanting to die but you who wants to die is still alive walking this day
You feel like you are not innocent yet I see the innocence in you because I understand what it takes to do everything you can for your kids and what it is to be depressed feel the big hole within your chest  cause they are a missing part of you
Like I said before I had to give up my kids as a last result because when I tried killing myself it never worked I haven’t done everything you have done to yourself but I have cut so deep and Ode on pills and I still lived through out it everyone thought I was crazy and on drugs but if they only knew that drugs don’t even take the pain away for long 
They might give you a buzz but when it comes to the end of the day that pain of not having the two most important things to you in your life kills you
I’m saying two cause I was pregnant with twins, they were my dream I was going to give birth to both  a girl and boy  but unfortunately  I had to give them up    I might be a 16 year old girl but I know to much for my own good I have experienced to much for my age  I had to raise myself as an adult cause I had no one there for me no one to love me I matured before time   I have always thought  different than others I have always taught myself to look deep within a picture to find the truth  and recently I have been looking deep within you  and  I find myself tearing because I wish I could have held you in your  times of need and honestly I’m glad your still alive even if you never end up to be my man  and even if you  just see me as pussy

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


Lately I have been stuck within my own little world trying to find peace within myself

Trying to re piece the little that is left of me
the little sanity i contain 'cause life's strain and hardship has gotten to me finally

Cause undoubtedly you came back to me at the right place wrong time
right place because you are to far away from me to let myself fall in love with you again

Wrong time 'cause my heart is already given to someone, someone who realized their love for me while you took your time year after year treating me like crap before you could come to the realization  that you would always miss me, but like I said before the day you woke up and realized you love me would be
the day I woke up with the person who already knew 'cause I'm through with letting you take over me,
I treated you like a king and I was abused emotionally, verbally, sometimes even physically cause you saw me as your toy

Your play thing, but one thing I can say is I'm no longer thinking of you cause I'm in love with the one who fell in love with me
The one who could see beyond the outer image, can read my heart beats before letters hit my lips and make words for me to speak, speak of my love for him, speak about the pain I endured being with you  and how  My new life, is all about me and him

No longer 'bout me and you

Sunday, October 10, 2010


A poem of the obstacles encountered when trying to let go of the one you loved in the past.

I’m trying my hardest to let you, completely let you go

So this growing pain dosen’t linger any longer and this hunger for your love can settle down

So i don’t break down into tears

Day after Day wishing for you to come back to me because honestly i’m tired of waiting,waiting for you to
 see the light of day and open your eyes wide enough to see the truth

See that i really care about you and that i have been here with my heart in my hands wishing you could hear it’s silent screams

Each heart beat a word in a sentence    I  BUMP BUMP  LOVE  BUMP BUMP you.

But my mind, my mind tells me to leave you, let you feel the pain i felt when you broke my heart,but my heart, It screams for you yet again.

The pain over bearing my minds thoughts letting images of our past flood over the little sence i was making


A teenage girl letting out her emotions into her diary because she feels like no one else will listen.

Dear Diary,
 Here we go again, all because of me being unable to resist you, resist the temptation of speaking to you once

You see i told you, me and you  would  somehow meet me again but  this time, it’s my fault because i
contacted you.

Somehow I’m happy,happy that I was able to hear your voice again.

Happy that you actually came
into realization of how things were with us, on your own.

When you said to me “I’m sorry for treating you like
shit”, my heart stopped and tears were soon to start running down my cheeks, but this time no sadness was
involved but happiness.

I was happy for the fact that you have finally realized that i have always been there for
you. I wonder if i would have been in New York still at the time you expressed yourself to me like you did last night, if i would have taken you back.

 It also dawned on me  when you asked me If i have spoken about you to the people in my new school, I replied yes and you said if you speak about someone in your life to people you recently met, then it means you really love that person whom you were talking about.

I don’t know what to do,because my feelings for you seem neutral. It doesn’t hurt anymore when you are mentioned but it does make me ask myself what if. I miss the times we have spent together and the memories we shared, because seeing the new you is shocking me.

Hope fully  this time life’s unexpected turn is for the better


The number one reason relationships seems so difficult is, because of lack of communication. How do you expect to love one another without being able to understand one another? Both men and women need to understand each-other’s need in order to reach  a balance in their relationship. This balance, becoming the door way  to endless emotional and physical  fantasy. A place where male can understand female, and where female can understand male. It’s a win, win situation if you take the following steps into consideration.

First step – As a couple  there are decisions to make,  whether it be the next step in the relationship or what bottle of wine you may want to have for dinner, their will always be an endless possibility of choices.These choices may not seem like much but the choice made  will always either be a gate way to hell  or a  passage way to getting closer to each other.

  women, have you ever wondered why men don’t say much when it comes to making decisions or why it feels like he’s distant? well, the possible reason for this  is because when we let them make the decision and something goes wrong, we either  take it out on them or we get angry in general. We may not realize this but some men may rather stay shut and let it go our way, then argue about it. we also may have the tendency to do that anyways, whether we may realize it or not.

Men, have you ever wondered why your always arguing with your woman even when your silent and don’t say much? Now the possible answer to that is, that women feel like your hiding something. Like your doing something wrong, and she may be accusing you left and right of doing something( most likely cheating).  In order for women to be happy they need attention and communication from their man.

The answer to both your problems  is  ” TAKE THE TIME TO SIT AND TALK IT OUT!!!!”. You see know at days  we are all to busy to think things through or work it out as a couple. We make rushed decisions  and at the end of the day we all feel like we are in store for a fighting session.  If we were to sit down and talk to each other and agree on a decision to make both partners happy, then it will no longer be necessary to argue over the little things.

When i say talk it out  i don’t mean:
women,sit your man down and speak forever  and tell him to shut up every time he’s trying to get a word in  and  Men,  bombard your woman with all the pent up emotions you have held back, because that’s not talking it out. That’s more like the recipe for an atomic bomb waiting to happen between the both of you.

Second step- “BACK ROUND CHECK”  I don’t mean this as  ethnicity or pulling up  the criminal files.  I mean this as a  way of figuring each other out. Find out the small things like favorite things and things that the other doesn’t like, what they are allergic too, fantasies, memories of the past and hopes for the present, find out whether they like to sing in the shower ,  or what makes them smile cause in the end theknowing the  little things goes a long way. It shows both partners that they care for one another, when they take the time to care about the small things.

Women, you may agree with what I’m indicating and  Men, you might think that’s to womanly for you or you’ll find out later on in time  but to a women knowing the little things shows that you really care to about her to take the time to know these things.

Third step-  I believe that  a high percentage of the failing relationship out their in this world  is do to the fact that one partner thinks that their the only one putting in all the work. The irony to that is that most likely the other partner thinks the same. The thing is that “BOTH OF YOU HAVE TO PUT YOUR PART”  you have to give your all in a relationship in order to make it work.
By giving your all i don’t mean:
Women, be so clingy that your not gonna let your guy breathe and Men, throw around a few i love yous like it means nothing  and think  that’s she’ll be okay for the day, because most likely she can’t tell your lack of emotion  behind  those i love yous.  

You might think I’m just like every other women  writing this to go against the male but I’m not. I’m looking out for both male and women  and  sometimes i do agree on the fact that women need to be more caring to their man.You see a relationship is not about being 24/7  with one another  and it’s not about saying i love you  because  when it comes to it relationships are about being able to be apart at times and still care about each other  and feelings the love without the word loving having to be said.

If you take my words into consideration  please share the same knowledge to those you see struggling within their own relationship  because  it is a fact that you aren’t the only person in this world who is having relationship problems,I have  gone through it myself. 

Please remember   to   TALK IT OUT, BACK ROUND CHECKS, AND BOTH PUTTING YOUR PART. Those three will hopefully give you your gate way and keep you out of hell’s way 


It's crazy how body image can cause such an impact on someone.How when you think your losing weight, inevitably your gaining it back.

How when, a love one ask you if your gaining weight,it lets you down and how 15 lbs  seems like the whole world has come crashing down on your self esteem as if all your high hopes on becoming beautiful have been toyed around with and beauty has now become an uneasy sight in your eyes.

Each pound added by your loved one seems like a failure  on your part, cause you promised yourself you would become beautiful, but the added weight represents a shackle keeping you from gaining that feeling of being beautiful

Then your shackles  are released not because you lost the weight but because you learned that the meaning of beauty depends on the eye of the beholder and as a woman I decide to believe that i am beautiful because beauty isn't about the outside it's about how you carry yourself from within

If you believe that you are beautiful than you are most definately beautiful because we have control over how we precieve ourselfs not how others precieve us

Our opinions about ourselves is what counts  we can be our own worst enemies or we can be our own best friends.

So next time when you look at yourself within the mirror pick out what your are proud of instead of picking out your flaws, while remembering that flaws are actually aspects that make you different in your own unique way from everyone else in this world.


It’s a poem of a never ending cycle.

It’s funny how I’m finding  myself falling head over heals for this guy but honestly on the inside I’m so scared to love again.

Even though I’m done with you, your always lurking in my mind, in my dreams, in every step I take somehow your always there.

Every time I take one step forward I end up taking three steps back. The more I step back the more I find myself sinking into the dark abyss of the broken remains of my heart.

Each broken piece has one memory of  you and I engraved in it and the more I try to engrave something over that piece it re shatters into other pieces with other memories engrave.

The more I try to forget about you the more I remember you. Every moment I spend with this guy my heart seems to re piece it’s self but never completely because sometimes I just can’t deny the fact that I miss you,but me missing you doesn’t mean I’ll forgive you,because you went back on your word.

You see that’s the difference between me and you, when I said forever I was aiming to fulfill it, and when I said I wanted kids with you  i was never planning to abort them.

The reason I refuse to love you again is because I found someone who knows the meaning of love, who makes me happy and makes me feel like I’m not the only one doing all the loving in the relationship.

I’m not going through that makeup and break up cycle of pain because I fear if I try one more time it can end up with my life being the toll because my heart cannot take another broken piece. It has run out of pieces to break and it has run out of good reasons to love you again.

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